Don’t Be That Person

Being a perfectionist or an idealist sounds amazing, you might get a lot of compliments for that but you do miss out on a lot of things.

I started my career as an Engineer in the corporate sector of South Asia after remaining unemployed for well over a year. When I finished my degree like many students I started dreaming to get a dream job. My idea of success and happiness were to be employed in a multi-national company with a hefty salary. My father was an office worker in the public sector. He had a routine like clockwork. Every day at 8:00 is he would leave for his work and come back home at 5:00 pm. A perfect routine some might say. I thought his routine is mundane and made a solid commitment with myself that I should lead a different life.

I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown after remaining unemployed for almost one and half year when I finally got into a famous Cellular service provider. The first week went past like living in a dream. No work, only office gossip made me look like I was living in another world. I was happy, to say the least. I came from a middle-class family and to be honest, never had seen or heard about the inside of a corporate office. The average office setup (which I later came to know after working for several other companies) at that time looked like a five-star hotel. No one from my immediate family was working in an MNC (Multi-National Company). I thought I was at the top of the world and felt a little proud in my heart. I had my own little perfect world.

Then started the real life with real work. Mine was a field job. After remaining and dreaming in the office for a month, I was told to start my actual duties. I was sent away in the field for a month touring the country, staying in four-star hotels and top-rated guest houses. Although I was given every facility which proved to be more than I expected, after remaining in the fieldwork for two years, I realized I was not cut out for it. I started my efforts to get a desk job. I consider myself lucky that I found one, not the best and not the worst but a moderate one. I was contented with it.

My first few months in my workplace were great. I made friends, became a part of a group. One thing I need to tell you about myself. Since I was a child or since I can remember, I lived in my own world. I always created my own reality, a perfect one and tried to fit the outside world in it. I never knew the concept or neither could self-analyse and accept my shortcomings. Neither did I realize that am unwillingly a pefectionist. My reality or my flawless little world should I say, was not a colourful one. It was black and white clearly labelled with good or bad, acceptable or not acceptable, yes or no. When I came part of a vibrant and dynamic group at the behest my practical life I saw some challenges. They were related to my whole life philosophy. I saw people saying one thing and doing the exact opposite. Now don’t get me wrong, I knew people do this all the time and I thought of those people as outlaws of society and considered everyone in the community thinks the same about them. I knew in my heart that a liar or an ethically corrupt person is not liked in society and those who side with such creatures are the ones who have the same attributes.

Anyhow, moving forward I started labelling my co-workers in black and white. I made friends whom I could fit in my reality and gave a cold shoulder to those I disliked even for a small reason. I kept struggling like this for over more than 10 years. I did make some friends which despite their minute drawbacks, were able to fit into my perfect realm narrowly. I started struggling to keep relations. My main conflict with keeping up the world was how people could tolerate blatant lies. I heard my friends being overtly friendly with persons which they, in reality, abhorred. Firstly, I thought that this is a façade which they put to blend in. They don’t really mean it. I was pushed further and further on the edges of society. This was not getting along with my idealist mentality. In my mind, I started forming divisions, who is with me and who is against me. Overtime started realizing that my so-called efficient system was not working as I might have imagined.

After more than 10 years when I saw that my friends whom I considered on my side were still friends or intimate with people of the opposite side, I started to think that it cannot be just concealment. I started to entertain the idea that they might, in reality, accepting the negatives of such and such person. I was overwhelmed, to be honest, also felt a bit betrayed. I was again at the crossroads of social life which no one discusses, not taught in institutes with definite theories and no one understands it but it is there. I will confess that this period reminded me of the same depressing episode of my life when I was struggling to land a job. But something remarkable happened. I can’t say for sure how but I started to think in a direction which later on led me on a path to self-discovery.

For no apparent reason, I tried to look inside me. Maybe I became mature or I had nowhere else to go. If I didn’t do it now I might lose my friends or for the fear of my children’s upbringing, I accepted the fact that maybe there are some things in me which need to be analysed. The first months were agonizing and frustrating as I still remember. I had no direction, to begin with. I absolutely hatted self-help books. I abhorred motivational speakers. In short, I couldn’t get hold of the starting end of the rope to sort out the madness. It’s really hard to remember the exact sequence of events which made sense in pursuing the right direction. But here is the start: I changed my job, choosing to switch for more human interaction to understand what’s wrong with my ideology. With less workload and focus on my laptop, I started interacting with other people. It was not only because I had less to do but I intentionally went out of my way to sit with others and listen to them. Initially, I wasn’t much of a talker or attention grabber. So I contented myself for listening to others. Little did I know that even listening can calm your nerves. I peaked from my ideology of a perfectionist, idealist, formalist whatever you can call it, into the other side. The results were not so bad.

As time passed I became the person everyone wanted to talk to. Due to my ideal life ideology, I was very discreet and kept secrets so everyone felt comfortable with me. Naturally, they also inclined to listen to me. Without being realizing I was starting to speak in my social groups. As I had gained a massive amount of information I was able to speak from a perspective. My talks were not just my thoughts but a product of a lot of real-life experiences which I was subjected to listen. We started discussing most intimate topics like husband-wife relationships, children’s upbringing, social structure, corporate life and dynamics and what not?

As the journey continued I starting realizing the nobody is perfect. That it is OK to desire an ideal life, ideal world and everything but one should learn to accept the reality as it is. Sometimes it is perfectly normal to consent with the inevitable. Once you realize that after some time you may find the same faults in yourself which were bothering you while looking and seeing them in others. You cannot improve anything if you don’t know it’s there. That’s the first step to improve yourself, your life and your social interaction. Learn to accept a few dents, after what are we if we are always looking for black and white explanation unable to enjoy life in all its colours?